Can you already feel the tightness
in your chest, just imaging that moment when her eyes start to well up and her
lips start quivering? Instantly you begin to question the words you just spoke.
You didn't mean to make her cry... it was a simple question. Your mind is
racing... "what happened?", "what did I say?" More importantly...
"what do I do now?"
There are certain times when women
are sensitive about their financial affairs, especially while going through a
major life transition, such as retirement, divorce, or loss of her husband. She
may be alone, confused, and often just trying to get by. The last thing she
needs is her accountant asking her where she's spending all her money, or
telling her investment accounts aren't being monitored. It's so easy from your
perspective to see where she might be headed if she doesn't pay attention, and
it seems very logical to show her. However, she's probably not operating on
logic during this transitional time; she's most likely operating on emotion and
insecurity. In reality, she may not even know where her money's going, or how to
figure it out.
However uncomfortable as it may be,
questions need to be asked and the conversation needs to be started if you're
going to help your client find the resources she needs to maintain a
sustainable future and not run out of money. As her CPA, you'll most likely be
the first person to recognize that she might need to address her finances, even
if you're not the person that will ultimately help her. You are the gateway to
resources and professionals that can help her gain the confidence and security
that she needs. There are experts such as CPA/Personal Financial Specialists,
money coaches, wealth managers, and financial planners that will spend the time
helping her, that you do not have available. These professionals are not
usually under the same pressures as you are with billable hours and tax
deadlines, and often do this as a normal part of their wealth management
services.
In order to make the situation more
comfortable for her as well as for you, there are some simple steps you can
take to remain confident and compassionate, while guiding the conversation to a
successful close.
When she starts to cry:
1. In an appropriate manner, find a
non-invasive way of touching her if possible. Touch is a powerful tool to ease
insecurity and add reassurance. Touching my sound uncomfortable but it can be
done in a professional manner. Some safe places for touching in non-invasive
ways are on the shoulder, high back, the upper arm or forearm. For example, you
can get up to grab a box of tissues for her, and when you bring it to her,
gently touch her shoulder as you offer her a tissue.
2. Take a deep breath and just sit
back and try to relax. You don't need to say anything, do anything, or try to
fix it. Although awkward, it's okay.
3. Check-in with your own
discomfort. Recognize how you're feeling and how desperately you want to end
this as quick as possible. You may be reeling inside and have an increased
heart rate and shortening breath. Check in with your urge to change the
situation and just notice without reacting.
4. Invite her to talk more about it.
I'm sure this is the last thing you want to do, but offering the space for her
to talk about what's going on will demonstrate that you care and help you
understand the underlying issue. Simply ask her, "is there anything
else?"
5. Show compassion. Simple gestures
like nodding your head or using words of acknowledgment such as, "Oh, I
see", "Yes, I can imagine" will go a long way. Don't talk a lot
or turn the conversation back onto you by sharing a similar story. Just listen.
When she stops crying:
1. Offer a soft face, gentle smile,
and perhaps a light joke to bring in a little laughter. She may be feeling
embarrassed and a few smiles and laughter can be very reassuring.
2. Acknowledge her challenges would
be tough for anyone, and that she's not alone. This will help her feel normal.
3. Recap and restate the issues and
the importance of addressing them. Ask for her to reiterate the issues herself.
This will help anchor her back into the logical brain, and ensure she
understands what needs to happen.
4. Offer her simple, sound resources
and action steps. If referring her to another professional, such as a
CPA/Wealth Manager, offer to have the professional contact her, instead of just
giving her a phone number. She most likely will not call.
5. Reassure her that she has
everything she needs to get through this. This will leave her with pride,
confidence, and gratitude for your help.
As uncomfortable as it may be,
crying is a good thing. Just remember, she's a capable woman, having an
emotional moment. She would not have let her guard down by showing her tears if
she didn't feel safe with you. It's an honor, and when treated as such, you can
turn an awkward moment into a life changing event.
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